Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
