i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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