she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
