I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
