He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Life is so much better after having sex.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
