I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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