you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
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