guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
