I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
