I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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