so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
