five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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