His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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