Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I got her a Nickelback box set.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
