my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
