it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
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