there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
