you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize