No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
