I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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