dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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