i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize