I'm really into asian looking animals
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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