Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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