he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
