she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
They took my balls.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
