listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
