Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
