But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
