am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
