Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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