did you get engaged???
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
