so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
