i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
