TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
