She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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