Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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