his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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