if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
