Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
