only if we run a train.
done.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
