Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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