I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
