me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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