My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
