my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
it's great music for shaving your balls
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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