this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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