you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
