I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I love how my cats smell like pot.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize