so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
where am i from again
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
