youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
