what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
