I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
