Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
