ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
