Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize