If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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