i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
