her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
