Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
