I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
