Jerry, you need to find god
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Randomize
