You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
