Your dad touched me again.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
why do cheetos always look like penises
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
