i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
