So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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