Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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