Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
His nipple licking is glorious
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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