Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize