last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
