She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
