You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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