her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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