After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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