whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
