...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
