My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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