STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
