look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
