legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
