I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize