id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
