I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
