I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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