I have demons in me.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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