i think my tv is drunk
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
