When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
