what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
