I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
They have beer where we have blood.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
