sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
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