I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
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