I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
