VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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