You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize